For many years, I believed it would be impossible for me to be truly happy, or filled with a sense of fullfilment and joy. Depression had been such a significant part of my life for so long, I didn't even spend much time trying to free myself of it. I grew to believe that my sadness was who I was, an aspect of my personal makeup, like having large eyes and brown hair. By high school, I was convinced that being loved by others, being physically attractive, and having money were the keys to bringing about happiness. I believed it so deeply, that there wasn't even room for any other truth.

Once I discovered that what I believed was an illusion, my depression worsened, and I found myself a prisoner in my own mind. But I made the decision to fight my imprisonment, and one day I broke free, even though I never believed or imagined I ever would.

Following the painful loss of my mother to breast cancer at the age of 19, I began studying spirituality and metaphysics as a way to cope and heal. What started as a way of coping turned into a way of life. At 24 I began working with children suffering from severe emotional disturbances in a group home facility. There, I utilized many of the self healing techniques I had taught myself to assist with the children's emotional and crisis intervention.

One day, I experienced a turning point. While arriving on shift, I discovered that a major crisis had broken out, involving one of the residential girls barricading herself in her closet, refusing to come out, and threatening physical harm to herself if anyone dared to force her out. She had been in there for several hours by then, crying, yelling, stating how much she hated herself, and how she wanted to die. A team of high level professionals were surrounding her, including child pyschologists, behavior interventionists, and an emergency medical team. By the time I was being denied entrance to the scene, most of the intervention team were exhausted, and waiting it out seemed to be the solution of choice.

I begged my way in. I told them to give me just 5 minutes alone with her, and if nothing came of it, they could all gather around her again for the rest of the evening. They threatened all the things that would happen to me if anything were to happen to her. I told them to stand right outside the door, and rush in if necessary. They finally complied. I sat with the girl, and I spoke to her with all the love I had in me. In less than five minutes, the girl stabilized, and was sitting on her bed when the crisis intervention team came back into the room.

I was never the same again. I begain working on my master's degree in Spiritual Psychology, and continued working in counseling, advocacy, and case management. The greatest reward so far has been self healing, renewal, and a true sense of joy and freedom. I deeply acknowledge this as a gift, and I find my greatest sense of purpose in sharing this gift with others.